To whom it may concern;

I hereby regret to inform you that after a long battle with various afflictions, the Irish Republic (née Saorstát Éireann) passed away during the year 2018. She went relatively peacefully in her sleep, the last of her strength drifting away late during the night. Though we have yet to be informed of the cause of death, it is the common opinion of the physicians involved that what finally bested the poor soul was an internal corruption caused by a lack of democracy.

This affliction had haunted poor Éireann since the beginning of her life, the condition arising from a previous illness called the Civil War. After the disease finally passed, there remained a two party condition that jeopardized Éireann’s immune system. Although multiple different treatments were attempted over the years, this two party affliction stuck, and ultimately rendered her susceptible to multiple other vicious ailments which tormented poor Éireann until the very end.

The first of these parties was Fianna Fáil, virus that evolved from the original Sinn Féin. Fianna Fáil was censorious and ineffective in almost every sense. Éireann first showed symptoms of the disease when she was just seven years old, initially putting her under the influence of an extreme foreign element that greatly reduced the wellbeing of herself and her people. This resulted in stunted growth, and prevented her from achieving many of her life goals.

The disease later developed into a cesspool of corruption which made Éireann reckless, and ultimately poor and at the mercy of a foreign government. The virus poisoned her mind, causing her to believe in irrational things and put herself in harm’s way for no real discernable reason and abandon the values of her youth.

Even more tragic is that often when Éireann got periods of respite from this awful affliction, she suffered from another virus called Fine Gael. This virus, although from a different strain to the Fianna Fáil virus, resulted in almost identical symptoms of recklessness and self-destructive behaviour. Even more tragic is that this virus initially served as a benign barrier to the Fianna Fáil infection that threatened to kill Éireann in her infancy. Currently we believe it was largely this virus which directly resulted in her death.

However, what really weakened Éireann to the point where this virus could land the killing blow was the critical failing of the democracy within her immune system which arose from these two viruses. Although I myself am not a physician, from what I can gather from talking to the relevant experts, these two diseases put pressure on the new ideas developing within Éireann, much needed for her renewal and continual survival, and caused them to grow stunted and deformed.

As such, it resulted in a vicious cycle in which these two viral parties were the only organisms genetically active within her system at any one time, making it very hard for any sort of ideological diversity to be established. When both viruses then started allowing foreign bacteria to take hold within Éireann’s body, the native populations were too weak to resist, and were easily defeated. This only served to bolster these diseases and allowed them to eat further and further away at Éireann’s immune system until she was passed the point of no return.

The remnants of the democracy barrier within Éireann’s crippled system was ravaged by the lesser viral infections. Neo-Sinn Féin (not to be confused with the benign bacteria Sinn Féin that was present early in Éireann’s life) along with other strains of Marxist diseases destroyed what little was left of Éireann’s resistance, putting her at the mercy of external afflictions such as Sorositis and EU syndrome.

Her later life was made difficult by these latter afflictions, much to the dismay of her friends and family, many of whom are ashamed to admit that they see her recent death as a mercy, allowing her now to rest in peace.

Sincerely,

A friend